I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
