put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
