she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
