I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
