I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
