mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
home. puking in laundry basket.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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