I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
