please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
