Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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