first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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