college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
