I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
