She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
