Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
