Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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