I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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