I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
