Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
