maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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