it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
