that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
