I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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