I looked at my own cervix.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
