dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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