so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
