I feel like abortions should bother me more
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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