She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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