I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
