my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize