So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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