I feel like abortions should bother me more
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
