I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
