im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
