We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
