Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Fuck appropriateness.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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