I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
