I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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