I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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