He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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