no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
