drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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