What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
