I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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