I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
