When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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