Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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