help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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