remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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