New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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