even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
