I got chris browned last night
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
