3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Welp...herpes.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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