my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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