my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize