UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
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