would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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