I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
