The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
