Will you blow on my dice?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
