Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
