I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
