I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
