i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
