My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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