You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
