I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
