I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
