The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
