He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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