You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
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It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
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He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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