Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
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We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
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I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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