Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
