Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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