i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
