remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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