I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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