sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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