I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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