I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
